From ayah to Widow, Ive been the sort of person to whom things have been done; but Saleem Sinai, perennial victim, persists in seeing himself as protagonist. Despite Marys crime; setting aside typhoid and snake venom; dismissing two accidents, in washing chest and circus ring (when Sonny Ibrahim, master lock breaker, permitted my budding horns of temples to invade his forcep hollows, and through this combination unlocked the door to the midnight children); disregarding the effects of Evies push and my mothers infidelity; in spite of losing my hair to the bitter violence of Emil Zagallo and my finger to the lip licking goads of Masha Miovic; setting my face against all indications to the contrary, I shall now amplify, in the manner and with the proper solemnity of a man of science, my claim to a place at the centre of things.

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